Does God Have Bones (and Other Things My Three Year Old Wants to Know)

Posted on April 9, 2014February 9, 2015 by Mama

The other night as bedtime came (and passed) I was finally drifting off to sleep in a quiet house, when I heard a shout from the other room. My three-year-old son’s voice came wafting down the hallway asking, “Does God have bones?”

Now that’s a good one. I mean, I’m assuming God has bones since He made us in his image, but He sure doesn’t need bones or maybe doesn’t even want bones. I’m guessing gravity is a concept made for Earth, but who knows how Heaven really works.

So what’s a mom to do with these types of questions? I usually chuckle a little at his inquiries, softly smile and answer to the best of my ability; but I gotta tell you, sometimes these questions come flying at me at the strangest times and during the oddest moments, and the older he gets the more his tongue exercises its right to free speech. I mean, the kid isn’t quiet for more than 1.3 minutes at a time (and that’s on a good day). I love that he is so inquisitive, that he enunciates so well that I can understand most of what he says and that every question isn’t simply “why;” but some days my brain just needs a break, because this little guy is constantly asking me questions that keep me hopping for the right answers and quietly asking a few of my own.

Yes, I know you’re dying to feel my pain (and my pride), so I’ve included just a few of my little one’s latest inquiries here.

Does God have bones?
Why did Emily (my pregnant niece) eat that baby? Well, if she didn’t eat it, how did it get in her belly?
Why is a giraffe a giraffe?
What is dead and dying?
Why does Alanna (my niece with new braces) have train tracks on her teeth?
Why do cats have pointy toes?
Is pee-pee water? Then I’m watering your plants (to my Mom and thankfully outside)?
Why did God make kitty cats? (Yes, I know some of you also ask this question.)
Does God have kitty cats up in the sky?
Do babies pick their noses too? (It’s the “too” that’s the clincher here.)
Is Jesus up in the sky? Is He a boy or a girl?
Are trains boys or girls?
Why do babies poop their pants?

photo credit: ucumari photography (Valerie) via photopin cc

His Social Graces are no Match for His Vocabulary

Posted on February 19, 2014March 3, 2015 by Mama

So we’re entering a new phase in our family — the turn thirty shades of red because your three-year-old just said something way out of line phase. Yes, you experienced moms know what I mean. I’m afraid my hand is just not quick enough to cover my sons mouth as he blurbs out rude comments and misguided “compliments” to surprised (and so far, good natured) folks we encounter at random. As much as I try to explain that it’s rude to say certain things, I know he’s really not to blame. It’s just that at this point in his life his social graces are just no match for his vocabulary.

Last week as we searched for a parking place in the unusually crowded Parents Day Out parking lot, I headed toward Rock Star parking just to be edged out by a large SUV. Although I spied the spot first, the other driver had no clue I was circling around for a landing. I simply showed my disappointment with a heavy sigh and verbal explanation, “She took my spot.” There wasn’t much angst in my voice (for once) and I quickly got over the issue. . . but apparently my son had a beef with the matter and he needed to be heard.

As we were walking to the building several strides behind a couple of ladies (not the offending party) and their small children, my son started yelling, “Ladies. Hey ladies.” [Insert Jerry Lewis voice for effect.] He got their attention, and I was still clueless to what he might say. “Good morning, hello or how do you do?” Nope. He proceeded to tell the unwitting party that they took our parking spot.

They were confused. I was dazed. They laughed it off. I blushed and assured them that they did not take our spot. Apparently this was not the outcome my son was hoping for so he repeated himself. “Ladies (at least he didn’t say ‘hey you’) you took our parking spot,” he said with conviction. This time they acted a bit offended. I was stammering. They didn’t laugh, and I blushed (as if I could be any more pink). I apologized to the offended party and tried to explain to my son why his comments were rude, and for my efforts I simply received a blank stare.

Of course this was just one of the quickly mounting encounters with innocent bystanders these days. I just never know when a stream of three-year-old consciousness will come zinging out of my little one’s mouth while I stand by, helpless to prevent it. I’m simply left to smooth things over (some comments are much easier than others), explain manners once again and pray that Duck Tape will come out with some new mother-friendly muzzle for little ones with opinions.

You are What You Watch?

Posted on January 13, 2014February 28, 2015 by Mama

Our three-year-old son loves minions. He has never seen Despicable Me, but who doesn’t love a little yellow guy with funny eyes, a bald head and crazy manners. Plus, when McDonald’s offers free toys it’s amazing how well acquainted a toddler can become. So last week when Despicable Me 2 arrived on video, I decided to rent it for the family (after all, my husband and I had been waiting for this day for quite some time).

While it wasn’t as good as the first movie, that meant nothing to my son. He enjoyed watching the minions in action and asked all sorts of questions, especially when these little good guys went bad. I could tell he was a bit disturbed at the craziness of the purple minions, but he seemed okay with everything as all was set right in movie land.

Unfortunately, three days later my little guy came down with some bug and up shot his fever. For a child prone to ear infections, taking fever reducers is nothing new and our son is a champ in this department. But Friday afternoon, he sobbed and cried and insisted that he didn’t want to take his medicine. I finally coaxed (okay, forced) him into downing the syringe full of good stuff, but he was still distraught. After he calmed down a bit he fessed up to his angst against the meds, his reason being, “I didn’t want to turn into a purple minion.”

So there you have it. . . And why shouldn’t he be afraid of turning into a purple minion? One syringe full of gel was all it took in the movie so why not real life? We did explain to him the difference between pretend (“pretwin” in his lingo) and reality; and we also assured him that we would never ever think of turning him into a mean purple minion. (He can manage that on his own some days.)

That being said, it’s moments like these that make me mindful of what I put in front of my child’s eyes, ears and mind. This was a great reminder of how differently children view the world and that we should strive to keep our little ones innocent as long as possible.

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